How I wish you weren't asleep. I guess that even if you were awake I wouldn't be able to talk since there's sleepy people all around me. I need you, my best friend, the only one who always understands. I feel like I'm suffocating right now, like someone laid a ton of bricks on my chest, like they let a pack of wolves roam free in the emptiness of my stomach. I guess it all makes sense now since I do have a weird sixth sense that kicks in now and then and had been thinking a lot about my ex husband lately, to the point of loosing sleep and preoccupying you with unsung tales of my past. Just found out he's remarried and a proud father. The woman that stands by his side seems to do it with a delicacy I've never possessed. Her pictures seem to speak of loyalty and silence, understanding and devoted selflessness, they seem to shed light on the smile of a broken man who's sins fueled his anger and who's pain rattled his fists. He looks happy, fulfilled. She's what he needed. I was perhaps the carbon to his flame; her, the sand for the fury of his waves to lay rest upon. Was I the crack? Did my unstoppable wretched force destroy this love bound, immovable object? Tonight we paid tribute to a group of men and their struggle with loving me. A romance with me seems to bear a great resemblance to catching a firefly. So exciting and dazzling at first, illuminating, provoking anxiety to the point of wanting to hold this magic creature captive, only to wake up to a darkened, stiff carcass with no more mystery to share. That's me, the girl with the intoxicating smile that can make all your dreams come true...but can she? Can I? I need you so bad right now, if only to hold me in your arms and take me from myself. Instead, I will quietly shed my tears and make sure to lay an extra coat of smile on my poisoned face come sunrise, so that I may be the brightest firefly there is to see in hopes of finding a love within myself from which to never break free.